So... Back to my chika... After the movie, we went home and I wasn't feeling well. I knew I was coming down with something. And being with Pogie for more than3 hours is just plain exhausting. Ahehehehe! (Love you Pog!)

The next day I went to work and I found out I had ACUTE CONJUCTIVITIS!!! (Hence, the title of this post.) It was the worst! I hate being sick. Especially being a newbie and still trying to prove yourself. I bet iniisip ng mga tao, "ano ba tong newbie na to, kabago-bago puro problema!"

Sori na.....

So I went home. I went to sleep. And woke up the next day with the worst bad-eye-day of my life. I spent pretty much the whole day in front of the TV, watching ETC, reading Judith McNaught's "Almost Heaven". Then I slept. I woke up and I had a fever. Man oh man! Isabay pa ba sa trahedya? It's all because of the stupid medicine the doctor prescribed. Curse you MAXITROLL!!!

Woke up the next day. My parents went to Nueva Ecija (tama ba spelling?), so tuloy ang saya!!! I was texting with Pogie the whole day yesterday, I think he felt bad when he said to my face, "Magiging matandang dalaga ka talaga!" Hahahaha! I think he felt worse when I said with a hurt expression, "That is the meanest thing you've ever said to me." Ahuhuhuhuhu... So ayun, guilt trip ang hayop. Then he came by the house around 10:30. Wala kasi sila ma eh, kaya nagsasaya si gago...

He brought food. Chicken Joy, oh so yummy! Pogie was even so polite as to not stare at my red-eye the whole time. Then Jinggay and Cris were supposed to come to my house, pero ang layo and di nila alam yung way and baka mahawa pa sila sa lola mo so ayoko naman na maging cargo pa ng konsensya ko yun! Pogie even offered to fetch them, pero wag nalang, kasi baka nga mahawa pa sila. So ayuuuuuun... We spent the rest of the day watching debede. By the 3rd movie hindi na kami maka-concentrate. Ang sakit sakit na ng ulo namin and tawa lang kami ng tawa from over drinking of Coke. It even came to a point that all we said to each other was "yeah".

Like, aabutan niya ako ng pizza na inorder namin from Alvin's Pizza then sasabihin niya, "yeah?" Tapos ako naman kukunin ko yung pizza saying, "yeah!!!" Hahahahaha! Basta ang psycho, sobrang tawa lang ng tawa!

Tapos I went online to email the team logo's I made for our team Little Mitch Philippines. And I was getting a little bit frustrated kasi feeling ko sobrang olats nung gawa ko and to top it all, yung BALAWIS na kaibigan ko hirit ng hirit, "ang baduy naman niyan!" or "hindi lang kayo puro babae sa team niyo, ok?! pang babae yan eh!" At alam mo yun, yung mukha niya talaga parang apektadong-apektado siya! Feeling mo kasali siya sa team and greatly offended ang beauty niya sa hitsura ng logo... Finally, pinabayaan nalang niya ako at nanood na siya ng TV.

When I went online nakita ko si Mr. Sexy Voice Malvar. I showed him the logos I was making and he said medyo girly nga ng konti... Eh sobra na akong nafufustrate talaga. So I think humirit ako ng:

chuva_gurl: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaay... Fuck talaga!
Ivanlicious: Bakit?
chuva_gurl: Wala na akong ginawang mabuti!
Ivanlicious: Ano ka ba, hindi noh
chuva_gurl: Haaaaay... Kung alam mo lang ang storyambuhay ko...
Ivanlicious: Haha. I-reserver na sa inuman yan.
Ivanlicious: Pero let me tell you this...
chuva_gurl: Ano?
Ivanlicious: Hindi mo ba napapansin how people light up when they see you?

(Shempre, sorbang na-touch ang lola mo!)

chuva_gurl: Wushuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...
Ivanlicious: Hindi nga
chuva_gurl: (actually I forgot what I said na ahehehehehe)

It really made my day. Sobrang unexpected compliment talaga! And coming from Ivan pa... Nakuuuuuu... After that medyo naging mabait na ako kay Balawis and tawa nalang ulit kami ng tawa. Wahahahahahahahahaahaha!

So ayun na nga... not much chika after that. Gusto ko lang talaga i-document yung nangyari over the weekend. Btw, ang saya-saya ng mga pangyayari with Miguel today. If I still had a crush on him I would be so kilig and would be writing a pagkahaba-haba pagnanasa entry about it in my blog, pero wala na... Kapiranggot na crush nalang kaya kapiranggot na entry din. Mwahahahahahahahahaha!

PINK IS THE COLOR OF THE DAY!!!
PINK IS THE COLOR OF MY LIFE!!!

Whataweekend!!! Sobrang whataweekened!!! I wanna recap everything that happened since Thursday. But first, gusto ko muna i-chika na may sinabi sakin si Mr. Sexy Voice Ivan Malvar last weekend na hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan! Sobrang sweet and sobrang unexpected and sobrang nice.

Dude, tayo nalang nakakaalam nung sinabi mo, pero it was really so nice and you really made my day. (Yuuuuuuck! Ang drama! Hahahahaha!) Ayun na nga...

Let's start with Wednesday pala, not Thursday. Feeling ko itong araw na ito ang dahilan kung bakit ako nagkasakit. Nanood kami ni BestPren Pogie ng 13 Going on 30. It was fun. I enjoyed the movie. But we watched in an old abandoned theatre and was almost empty except for 2 folks sitting waaaaaaaaay in front. Pogie and I talked and talked all throughout the movie.

He was being the same old bossy-know-it-all Pogie again. This time, he was telling me the reasons why I would end up alone forever. Lemme see if I could remember some of his arguments...

Oh...

1. I'm too nice. He said the only way guys could see me is as borderline one-of-the-boys or kid-sister. He said my like of boy-ie things such as cars and sports makes me a mere kabarkada and competition even.

2. I'm too independent. He said guys like girls who would need them once in a while. Hindi raw katulad ko na kung titignan mo halos wala nang room for needing.

3. I'm too picky. He said the "matangkad, maitim, left-handed, soccer player" ideal guy that I set for myself is a litte too immature and there's like a million to one chance that I will ever find a guy like that.

Ok, now for my comback... Sabi ko...

1. Hindi ko alam kung anong masama sa pagiging nice. Eh mabait talaga ako eh. Sabi niya, yung ginawa ko daw for Jojo na dinalhan ko sha ng gamot at 3 am in the morning nung natusok sha nung yero sa may likod ng bahay nila was a bit over the top daw.

Unang-una, eh nangangailangan yung tao eh. Pano kung mamatay na yun sa tetano? Besides, I'd do it for anyone. Sabi ni Pog, "yun na nga! You'd do it for anyone!" Mahirap daw tuloy makita kung kanino daw talaga ako interisado kasi I'm nice to everyone. Heller!!! Hindi naman kasi ako sabik na lahat ng tao ginagawa kong potential. Hindi ako desperado at hayok!!!

"Maybe that's your problem," sabi ng hayop. "Dapat i-assume mo na lahat ng tao pwedeng maging potential. He could be looking at you right now. He could be desperately, in love with you but he's just too chicken shit to tell you. And watching you play nice with everyone is making him wonder if he's special at all."

Napatahimik ako. I doubt that guy exists, but if he does, eh ewan! Sige, let's say na ang nice girl attitude is being considered.

2. Ok, what's wrong with being independent. I'm not one of those girls na hindi mabubuhay ng walang kasama! Isn't independence supposed to be a good thing?

"Good thing nga," Singgit si hayop. "Pero minsan maganda naman na hinihingan mo rin ng tulong yung lalake. Hindi yung para na siyang nagiging useless sayo. Like, palagi ka nalang nagdadala ng kotse. Kahit susunduin kita, gusto mo ikaw pa magdadala ng car, eh ako nga susundo sayo eh!"

I explained to Pogie was, minsan kasi I feel bare without my car. Alam mo yun, it's my haven. Safety net ko na I know if ever shit happens, pwede ako umeskapo agad. So ang hirit naman ni gago... "Yun pa, ang hirap mo kasi mag-trust!"

Sorry po!! Tao lang!!

3. Hindi kaya ako madaming standards, heroh!!! The matangkad, maitim, left-handed, soccer player parang perfect guy lang yon for me. It doesn't really mean anything. And what's wrong with having standards? Sa totoo lang eto lang talaga ang hinahanap ko sa mga lalake:

<mabango> kahit ano pa itsura mo, basta mabango ka ang gwapo-gwapo mo!
<funny> at hindi yung funny na puro panlalait at pananakit ang alam, kailangan yung talagang genuinely funny na wholesome.
<maganda watch> i admit, may fetish ako pagdating sa watches. Kung iba ang unang tinitignan sa tao shoes, eyes, o ass, ako watch! You can tell a lot about a guy through his watch. Ugali, personality, taste, style etc. Everybody can go wrong and be a fashion victim for one day or even one week... But a watch is forever. Hehe. You can have only one great watch and you'll be set for life. If your watch can go with anything... Casual look, formal look, shorts etc, then I think you can go with anything as well. It's a weird perception in life, I know, but it's just my thing.
<hindi feeling> chohs!! Ang pinaka-ayaw ko talaga yung mga assuming na tao. Punyeta! Yung mga feeling nila may gusto ako sa kanila, tapos magfufumiling na! Ay punyeta talaga!! Paki-clarify, ang gwapo mo eh! Basta ayoko nung mga KSP, bibbo, yung mga nagnanasang maging miyembro ng SCQ or Star Struck. Sa totoo lang, mas naaliw ako sa mga mahiyain na lalake. Mas cute eh. Hihihihihi.

Yun lang po. Now, kung mababaw ako for having those standards, eh I'm sorry. Tao lang po!

Break muna, pagod na ako... May sakit pa ako eh... (Wawa...)

There's a light in your eyes, but it's too bright to see...
And pain in my heart where you used to be.
I guess I was wrong to believe you were waiting for me...
Coz there's a light in your eyes but not for me.

Ewna ko ba kung bakit, pero parang gusto ko nang i-labas ang lahat lahat ngayon, tutal tapos na naman... Haaaaay... If you've been reading my blog religously, like my cousin in the states na itago nalang natin sa pangalang Paraluman, you may have questions about the recurring phrases or statements in my blog na walang sense sa inyo, pero super may sense sa lola mo...

Well, ang ieexplain ko sa inyo ngayon ay yung phrase na "it's empty."

One time kasi, dumaan ako sa workstation niya naghahanap ako ng prong. Hellooooo... Medyo obvious siguro kasi ang layo ng workstation niya sa amin dahil hindi nga siya normal na nilalang. Eh late na ang lola mo at hindi pa ako nakakapag-setup ng tools kaya mega in a rush na talaga lahat. So nung lumapit ako sa kanya, sabi ko, "do you have an extra prong that you're not using?" English only policy, I'm sorry! Sabi niya, "Uh, wait," the he pulled out a box from underneath his table, "meron ata dito sa box na to eh..." Eh medyo mahirap buksan yung box na tupperwear at nahihiya naman talaga ako sa hassle so sabi ko, "no it's ok. Hanap nalang ako sa iba, thanks!" So eh di ayun... tumakbo na ulit ako pabalik sa area namin. Tapos narinig ko may tumatakbo din sa likod ko so lumingon ako, tapos dala dala niya yung box ng prong that I'm guessing kinuha niya sa loob nung box na tupperwear. He shook the box and told me, "It's empty." Then gave me an apologetic smile...

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaay... Bakit naman kasi kailangan pang maging sobrang bait na tatakbo pa sha after me para lang sabihin na walang laman yung box ng prong eh... Bakit?! Bakit?! O, bakit?! Ayun lang po... Gusto ko lang ipamahagi. Bow.

Sa totoo lang, parang ang lungkot ng feeling. Hindi dahil nalaman ko na may better half na si Miguel. Dahil lang...

"Empty."

Alam niyo yun? Ok naman ang lahat today, pero alam mo na wala ka nang karapatang pagnasaan ang QA ng ibang unknown account. Hay! Kung tutuusin, eto na ang pinaka-masayang araw dapat ng buhay ko, (exagge) pero hindi... Kasi ngayon, alam niyo yun? Alam mo na na hindi mo pwedeng i-sensationalize ang bawat kilos at galaw ng isa't-isa. Wala nang mga hidden meanings (na sa totoo lang nasa utak mo lang naman). Wala nang mga "side looks and half smiles" na pwedeng gawan ng pagkahaba-habang entry sa blog. Wala na... Wala na... Wala na...

Wala na nga ba, iha?

Dapat lang! Kasi ano pa nga bang mapapala ko kung hindi sama ng loob at depression. Haaaaay... Siguro mashado lang akong na-excite kasi ngayon nalang ulit ako nagka-crush in a looooong time. (Aren't I too old to have crushes?) Bakit ba! Hindi naman masama yon ah. I'm in a new place, with new people so inevitable na na magkaka-object of my affection ako, devah? Haaaaay... Gusto ko lang muna mag-senti galore ngayon and wala na akong paraan kung pano gawin ito kung hindi... Magpost ng mag-post ng mga kalungkutan quotes at poems... Mwahahahahahahaha!

Eto poem ko para kay howe dati... (Alam ko walang connection kay Miguel, pero gusto ko lang i-share...)

So many things happened over the weekend. All I can say is... Miguel is no longer available. Marvin and I passed by his workstation when we had to stay late for training and I saw a wedding ring. Then I remembered what my trainer said to me during training... Haaaaay... And there was another incident... Haaaaay...

I have a poem for you Miguel...

Come in, I've been expecting you
There's a knock on the door and love walks through
He lights a fire and smiles...
A smile?
Still, love would stay a while
And the fire breathes and weaves its spell
But then, love runs out of lies to tell
For love is restless, love's a flirt
Love has places to go, and peopleto hurt
So here's a shovel to smother the flame
Tomorrow you'll barely remember my name
And I'll try to forget you my dearest one
As a person who tries to forget the sun

For life holds no purpose
Love holds no charms
Since I beheld you,
In another's arms.

It's not Merry Christmas... It's a half smile and a nod.

Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

He's back. My boyfriend's back.

I can hear Jerome's voice with matching echo... "ASA!"

Fine. Libre lang naman mangarap diba?

He's here. Finally. After 100 years. Turns out he still has the same sched. Still has the same goofy smile. Still has the same soft voice. And still has the same smell. Same old, same old Miguel. Hahahahahaha!

I was thinking this morning if I still didn't see him today, then it's over and done, but my heartache lives on inside... And who is the one you're clinging to, instead of me, tonight? And where are you now?... YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME FALL APART!

Earth to gaye, come in gaye...

I was happy when I saw him. Naturally. I dunno... Mixed emotions. Red really is my lucky color.

On a more serious note................................. Howe's back!!!

He called me last night on my cell and started acting all psycho again. (Kneels down and prays... God, bakit lagi nalang psycho? Hindi ba pwede one time lang matinong tao naman?)

The phone in my room is unplugged now because since Sau left, nobody ever calls me in my secret number anymore, and my parents didn't sleep at home last night so nobody was answering the phone so he called my cellphone. It was 11:30 and I was already falling in love in my dream. Then the fucking phone rings. I answer it immediately without really thinking about it. And his greeting was...

"Wake up, may sunog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" With matching sigaw ang lolo mo.

"Tangina ka!" Was all I could say...

Then he went on and ooooooon and oooooooon about work and life and his car and my car and what he thinks we should do regarding the repainting and the mags and all that. Blah! Then the conversation turned into one of his "I miss you" bullshit. Until it came to the "let's go out sometime" nonsense. Sighhhhhhhhhh...

Dear Howe,

I don't know what you want from me anymore. Why are you still doing this to me? I can't move on with my life with you always breathing down my neck everytime I see one glimpse of hope. I can't be in love with you forever. And I'm not anymore. Please, leave me alone.

Naks! Ang drama ng lola mo!

I don't want to talk about this anymore. I have an update about Miguel... Ahihihihihihi!

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!"

Feeling ko talaga yun na ang mga susunod na salita na sasabihin namin sa isa't-isa... Ahuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu...

Goodbye Miguel.

It's weird.

So far I'm knowing more about the object of my affection 2 rather than Miguel through my ever reliable and ever friendly friend batchmates. So far, the object of my affection is single, oldest of 3 brothers and wears a gorgeous watch. (You know my look nice-watch, nice-guy policy, right? No? Oh well...)

Btw, I'm going to stop writing about Miguel for now... Maybe for the rest of the day. Ahihihihi! My cover is in deep shit! People might find out about him... Ahehehe!

Shhhhhhhhhhh... Goodnight sweet prince. And may flocks of angels seek thee to they rest.

I don't think I'm ever going to see Miguel again. It's been daaaaaaaaaayz... And you know how days can go by so fast when you're terribly missing someone. I especially tried to look and smell good today. Haha! But is he here? Nooooooooooeeeew... What if I never see him again until January? What if then next words uttered in our mouths would be, "Merry Christmas!"? Or worse...

"Oy, birthday mo pala ngayon? Happy birthday!"

That's FEBRUARY!!!

I'm losing all hope. I want to take tomorrow off. I think I need and deserve a break. I want to die. This is all this stupid workstation's fault!

On a lighter note, it's Sunday in the states today. I hope I don't get weird calls. And I think there's another potential object of my affection around me. I've had an eye on him since the first week of training. Hihihihihihihihi! But there's no kilig factor like Miguel. Btw, I caught a glimpse of him, but only just... Where? I'm not gonna tell you! A girl should have secrets!

Yeah, to those of you emailing and asking, I'm a girl dammit!

Anyway, I don't even have the strength to type anymore. I'm going to add another food for thought for you guys.

1. I always wanted to have some one to hold, someoneto love. And now that you've come into my life...(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life...(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am....(Inside card)- That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go....(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry.(Inside card) - Someone other than you.6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age....(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me..(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time.(Inside card) - What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you...(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy...(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was only one life jacket...(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really special for your birthday...(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia)

14.Looking back over the years we've been together, I can't help but wonder...(Inside card) - What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!...(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband

I miss him.

It's been what?! 4 freaking days?! Why the hell is this happening to me? Why now? Now when I have "the reason".

And the reason is you...

I guess this all has something to do with the new workstation they transferred me to. Dark. Lonely. Cold.

Is that how my life is going to be from now on?

Dark. What I hate about this workstation is I can't see the pantry. That's it.

Lonely. No one around here is talking to me. I miss Marvin.

Cold. Literally. It's like 1000 fucking degrees out here!

But I guess what's making this place even darker, lonelier and colder is the fact that I haven't had contact with Miggy. (Yuck! Whatanickname!)

I miss him.

This morning when I woke up there was no sense of "I have to wake up and move fast because I get to see Miguel today". I admit, his face did enter my mind while I was having a battle with myself whether I should go to work or not. But it wasn't as effective as it used to be. It used to work like a snap, but it didn't earlier... I wonder why that is.

I guess because I've been so used to not seeing him these past couple of days that I've forgotten how it felt like. Darnit!

It's empty.

Fuck! Whenever I think about that... aaaaaaaaaargh!!

Oh btw, I got a message from howe last night. He said, "bago kong number dito, tawagan mo ako!" Demanding ampowtah! Of course I didn't call him. Ano siya pensionado?! And if he wanted to talk to me, why doesn't he call me?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!! I don't know anymore. I'm outtie!

It's been a weird-ass day. Not as tiring as yesterday, but they relocated me and Marvin to another station and for me it was the dark area. So sad.

And as for Miguel we only had a quick "hi" this morning. Dammit!!!

Anyway, I wanna put another food for thought.

THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR

1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor your on.

5) Hold the doors open and say your saiting for a friend. After
a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day
been?"

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
scream, "That's mine!"

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if they have an apointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay,
don't panic, they open again!"

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, "Group Hig!"and then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
announce, "I have new socks on".

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"

nawala lahat ng pinost ko! punyeta!

With regard to my "live" life, this is the most frustrating, iritating and tiring day so far.

I understand you're frustration ma'am. Fuckers!

And worst of all, I didn't have contact with Miguel.

Only a brief, two-liner conversation that pretty much wrapped up the happiness I felt yesterday. Last night... Oh my god... I was still in cloud nine. I could't be happier. I swear to God, I slept with a smile in my face. (Except when Bryce kept making noise in my bedroom.)

Now...

Aside from the hideous experience with work, I lacked, the feeling. Oh my God! I am so pathetic... I've become one of those girls... Well, come to think of it, I am one of those girls.

Can you fucking blame me?!

I just want a reason to get up in the morning. Something to look forward to. I want the half smiles, when you see each other in the hall... The stolen looks... The faint, cool wind that rushes through your neck when he walks behind you. (Parang feeling ko kinakalabit niya ako. Hehe!) You know, just the plain consiousness that he's within the same breathing environment. Oooooooooooooooh....

What's wrong with me?!

Btw, I should tell you that what I feared in my previous blog, about the whole "playing around with his friends or flirt with a babe" thing did happen today, and it SUCKS! I know, they've been through so many things together because they've been together long... But... Sighhhhhhhhhh...

I'm pathetic. I'm so down. I have to die...

Only 40 minutes till the end of the shift. When I come home I am going to yank my friend's 24 vcds and karir na ito!

Okay.

Normally, as I ventured into this new phase in my life I have entertained the possibility of liking someone. I originally thought it would be this certain someone, but now it turns out to be someone else completely.

Someone I would never have thought possible that I would like.

Damn. Why him?

Why not him?

He's nice. Seems to be funny. And he has the qualities I like in a guy. Which are?.. Naaaah. Maybe next time.

Now the question is, what's gonna happen now?

Nothing.

That's right. Nothing ever happens with guys I like. Well, actually, disaster strikes. Or worse, just plain null.

Why is it that I never seem to get what I want? I always end up with guys stupid enough to be in like with me, and I just end up liking them back. Why is that? Is there a grand scheme that forbids me to at least for once get what I want?

Who I want...

What usually happens is, I make this whole mess with the object of my affection and we either end up as bestfriends or bestenemies.

OR

We become close and while taking a deeper look, I realize that he's not really all that and I fall out of like for him.

AND

Worst case scenario, I like him with all my might and he doesn't know I exist and I just sit quietly while I watch him playing around with his friends or while he flirts with some hot babe (what a cliche! haha!).

I wonder what would happen with me and hmmmm... What's a good code name for him?

Miguel. (courtesy of my friend Cris.)

Will we finally have the happy ending I think I deserve? Or will I once again yield to the grand scheme of things called fate where I never get what I want and I am doomed to wander the planet alone forever?

We'll see...

it's a good start of the day. he smelled good again. familiar. the smell of yosi hands. sighhhhhhhh...

i don't know why, but usually yosi hands do not affect me this kind of way, but his yosi hands do. Usually, they smell disgusting and not really, uhhhh... cute. well, but it's him. sighhhhhhhhh.

Oh my God.

Someone wake me up please.

I have a disease! I don't like being told what to do. Well, it's not that I don't like to be told what to do, it's the thought that I needed telling again that's eating me up.

"It's empty."

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!! Everytime I remember the way he looked, when he said that! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I don't like feeling inferior in a group of over-achievers. Especially him. L2 ito!

I can't like him. I just can't.





...but I do.

i think i'm falling...
baby i'm falling for you... =)

...but i don't want nothing at all,
if it ain't you baby, if i ain't got you baby...

Everytime I think about my officemate "Jay", I always remember him saying, "puro ka nalang howe!" He's funny. And how I loathe him. JOKE!!

He's right. All I think about is you. All I talk about is you.

And Jay always says, "bat mo pa iniisip yon, eh di ka naman iniisip non!"

He's right. Oh, how I hate that he's right! You don't think about me. The email you sent with all the i love yous of all sorts of languages was bullshit. You lied to me again! You sonovabitch! You're an idiot! You know why I won't be sad anymore? Because it's your loss buddy! You just lost the one person who wouldn't give up on you!

And keep the goddam watch! Keep the pocket pc! Keep the ipod!

And I'm going to keep your stuff too! I'm going to burn them! (exept the ipod maybe... hehehe! You have mine, I'll keep yours.)

Damn you BSCPA! You're not that gwapo!!!