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Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur GoldenDeception Point by Dan Brown Currently Listening To...
Over You by Daughtry Now that it's all said and done, I can't believe you were the one To build me up and tear me down, Like an old abandoned house. What you said when you left Just left me cold and out of breath. I fell too far, was in way too deep. Guess I let you get the best of me. Well, I never saw it coming. I should've started running A long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you More than you, more than you know. I'm slowly getting closure. I guess it's really over. I'm finally getting better. And now I'm picking up the pieces. I'm spending all of these years Putting my heart back together. 'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through, I got over you. Huwag mo nang itanong sa akin Di ko rin naman sasabihin Huwag mo nang itanong sa akin At di ko na iisipin You took a hammer to these walls, Dragged the memories down the hall, Packed your bags and walked away. There was nothing I could say. And when you slammed the front door shut, A lot of others opened up, So did my eyes so I could see That you never were the best for me. Well, I never saw it coming. I should've started running A long, long time ago. And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you More than you, more than you know. I'm slowly getting closure. I guess it's really over. I'm finally getting better. And now I'm picking up the pieces. I'm spending all of these years Putting my heart back together. Well I'm putting my heart back together, 'Cause I got over you. Well I got over you. I got over you. 'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through, I got over you. Visitors
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Tuesday, June 19, 2007
I Did This
Just a thought... How many times have I started my posts with "I'm in the process of reevaluating my life."? It sounds so cliche and over used, but when I start my entries, I usually go straight to the point. No more introductions or what not. Right now, I'm going to start my post by saying... I'm having a psycho mode day. I hate coming to work. I hate all the drama, the hate, the talking about the issues, the going behind people's back. I hate everything! I wish it would just stop! I thought the arrival of our new sup would bring a fresh start to things. All the bitterness and pain of the past would all go away, or at least die down slowly. But hearing someone say that there is a plan to bring out all of our deep dark secrets out in the open frankly makes me sick to my stomach. More so to the fact that I know I'm not completely innocent. I've made wrong decisions, prioritized the iniquitous things, and messed with the wrong people. I've done a lot of things that I'm not proud of. And I'm afraid that what I didn't know is that it's all going to come back and bite me in the ass one day. I miss those times when everything felt so easy. I miss those times when I would gladly stay two to three hours beyond my shift to finish my deliverables. Now, it's like I would want to stay in the office as little as possible. Log in at 5:59am and log out at 3:05. I've been damaged. I think, somehow, life here brought out the best and worst of me. And I think to myself that I didn't use to be this way. I didn't wish anyone harm. I did not like to gossip. I did not like to break the rules as much as possible. Yes, I always have a choice. I had a choice. But I didn't make the right one. And now I'm afraid I can't undo the past. I'm afraid to try because part of me thinks it wouldn't do any good. I will always be marked as this person. I am living in an unforgiving world. And sorry is a sign of defeat. I was reading my old blog and I saw my Top 10 Comfort Things; 10. Two piece chicken joy with extra gravy 9. Arce Dairy Cookies and Cream ice cream 8. No traffic in Rosario Bridge 7. Gerry's Grill Bulalo Steak 6. Hanging out in Starbucks with a cup of tall Caramel Macchiato and a good book 5. A good conversation. 4. Hearing someone say "I love you." 3. A great big huuuuug. 2. Driving in big long hi-ways. 1. Rain Everything was so simple back then. I was so simple back then. Where did I go? Where is the girl who wanted to be a novelist and wanted to start her own magazine. What happened to all those plans I made? What happened to all those stories that I've played over and over again in my head? What happened to not worrying about anything? What happened to listening to music? What happened all my hopes and dreams? What happened to being so engrossed in a book that I wouldn't even notice that it was becoming dark and I need to switch the light on? What happened to loving soccer so much that I would wake up at 2:30 in the morning just to watch a UEFA game? What happened to playing in the rain? What happened to not being lonely? What happened to putting every thought in my head into writing? What happened to being efficient? What happened to July For Kings, Fuel, Lifehouse, Stabbing Westward and The Calling? What happened to the weekly movies? What happened to watching Monday Night Laughs in Star World? What happened to my simple joys? This is only a phase. I will be okay again tomorrow. The thing is, I've known this for a long time and I told myself this over and over again... Only I can control my life. Only I can make it better or worse. If I'm feeling that something is not right, I cannot turn to someone and wish that that person can make things all good. If I want comfort food, I have to go and buy it myself. If I want no traffic in Rosario Bridge , I have to come home early to avoid rush hour. If I want a good conversation, I have to initiate it. If I need a hug, I have to hug myself. (Uy, ano ab yun?! Scary naman! Hahahaha!) I did this. PS: Speaking of doing things for myself from now on… I’m so excited to get this.  Matinding pag-pila nanaman ito sa National Bookstore mehn! Ang saya! Review, review, review! Hehehehehehe! =) chumika si menasha at
6:31 PM |
3 comments
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Himitsu
I have a secret...  Shhhhh... chumika si menasha at
10:04 PM |
1 comments
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Tamad
I don't know why I am like this all of a sudden, but I absolutely despise going to work. I hate, hate, hate it. Although things are actually better at work now. The issues have died down... And I think that both parties, or most of the people included in the "parties" (ehem, ehem) are at peace already. I mean, at least I hope. Laughter and fun is back in the lab. I just hope no one messes up with the pseudo peace that is happening in the lab. Especially not a new comer who is known for having temper problems. Don't you daaaaaare fuck with the lab peeps if you don't want to see how we can mess with your head! Yabang. But anyway, I'm so tamad to work. Getting to work is actually not the big bulk of the problem... On my way to work, I think of the things that I have to do.
And so far, here is what I've done among the list;
chumika si menasha at
8:44 PM |
0 comments
Monday, June 11, 2007
Wildcat
I have a new toy... =)  I can honestly say that I could not ask for more at this point in my life. As in! Thank you Lord. chumika si menasha at
10:14 PM |
0 comments
Saturday, June 09, 2007
I Get You
I get you. The other day was an epiphany for me. It was the first time that I felt truly that I could lose you. Honestly, I've thought about it quite a number of times before. I'm not proud of it. But I wouldn't deny it either. I played it over and over in my head. How it would happen, who would finally say it... "I'm sorry but I think we're take some time off." "I love you but I think we want different things." Or just simply... "I want out." "I'm tired... Of this. Of us." Those words terrified me a lot. I didn't want to think about it. Although I wanted to talk to you about it. I guess I was waiting for something to happen. Anything! Just so we could get out of this slump. Just so I could feel that I am not alone in this. And then you said it... "I can't make you happy..." I really felt for the first time that I could lose you. I've thought about it, thought about how it would feel, and how I would react... But at that moment, I felt my life shattering. I wasn't ready to lose you and I don't think I will ever be. You're my b... What would my life be without my b... I can't lose you. Not at this time, and not this way. It's too easy. Too... Surreal. Let's work this out. Really work. I love you. God only knows how much and why, but I do. And I finally get you now. I get you. All your little quirks... Why you acted that way sometimes... Why you were so mad at me. It all made sense. And I'm happy that that night happened, in a way, because I understand you more now. And I am able to look at you and laugh with you (or at you hehehehe) again. When I think about you, I think about the person that I fell in love with. The person I think about before I go to sleep at night and the first thing that comes into my head the minute I wake up... I get you. And I'm glad that I do. =) I feel like I'm walking in the clouds again. I feel like I can do anything and be anything again, because of you. I had fun with you yesterday... The walks in the mall are less tiring now. Dinner was much more delicious. The conversations were more meaningful... And even the kisses are sweeter. chumika si menasha at
11:33 PM |
1 comments
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