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How do you expect to catch me if you run in the other direction?

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I Used To Make You Laugh...



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currently reading...
Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
Deception Point by Dan Brown


Currently Listening To...

Over You
by Daughtry

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.


Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.


Huwag mo nang itanong sa akin
Di ko rin naman sasabihin
Huwag mo nang itanong sa akin
At di ko na iisipin


You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.


Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,


I got over you.


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Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I Used To Make You Laugh...
 

Today was an emotional roller coaster for me in the office. First of all, I'm already in the 12:00mn shift, which was something that I always wanted... For us. At least there's time for us to talk before I have to go to work. But there's no point now.



Second, this person really, really pissed me off. When I was in my station trying to calm myself down, my first instinct was to call you, and tell you all about it. :( I mean, you know all the characters in my life. Down to the last person. :( Haaaaaaaaaay... This is so hard. I swear, sometimes I think I'm okay, I think that I can get through this, but today I just can't. I hate to admit it, but I really need you. :(



Everyone is telling me to move on, to realize the fact that you might not be coming back, pero... Ang hirap. Ang hirap hirap!



On the way home, I just kept thinking... You were probably still sleeping. Haaaaaaaaay... What I wouldn't give to be able to call you and tell you what a crappy day I had at work. What I wouldn't give to be able to call you and say, "B, wake up, you'll be late."



But I can't.



Sabi mo sakin, "walang limitations. Call me or text me anytime. If you want to see me, we can meet."



But I don't think that's true. I hear your voice whenever we get to talk on the phone... Alam ko na ayaw mo talaga. And napipilitan ka lang. :( See, alam ko kasi na masaya ka na sa buhay mo ngayon eh. And I know you too well. Alam ko kung pano ka sa past relationship mo... How you don't like it when she calls you. And alam ko na right now ganyan narin ang nararamdaman mo sa akin.



I keep thinking of what you said to me, "ang hirap mo kasing pasayahin."



Naisip ko na baka totoo nga yon. Maybe you got tired of my never-ending problems... About work, about my car, about my brother in law... Siguro it just came to a point that I just became so negative na naging baggage na ako sayo.



Sorry. Hindi ko talaga sinasadya. :(



I want you to know though, that I tell you those things, because I wanted you to know every part of me. Kasi ako, I want to know every part of you. Kaya nga sumasama ang loob ko ng sobra, kasi you know all the stuff I go through in the office, and at home. You know that I go through hell and I even told you that I don't care if my office life is fucked up, as long as I have the people that matter. You, most especially. Pero ngayon, I don't even have you. I feel like I don't have anyone anymore.



See, I didn't only lose my B, but I lost a friend. I know that things may never go back to the way they were between us, and it really kills me.



When we were talking about this person na sabi mo close lang sayo, sabi mo, "wala, pag magkasama kami, tawa lang kami ng tawa."



I used to make you laugh.



But I guess the past few months you had with me, I gave you more headaches than laughs. I'm so sorry. :(



I soooo want to call you right now, just to hear your voice. I soooo want to fight for you, and try to win you over... Pero I want to respect your space. And I think you're past this na. I think masaya ka na with your life. With your family. With your school. With your friends. With...



As for me... I'm moving to Cainta on February 1. Something na I thought would be good for us too. At least magka-sched na talaga na tayo... Pero right now, haaaaaaaaaaaaay... I'm sorry, you said na I should do things for myself. Pero I couldn't help it eh. Right now, yung Cainta na yan, ang naiisip ko lang...



What the hell for?!



Haaaaaaaaaaaay... I don't even know if I want to post this. Shit! What the hell! This is the only place I can be myself and not have to pretend that everything is okay...



I miss you.

chumika si menasha at  6:08 PM

Comments:

OKay, thats it! hndi ka mahrap pasayahin gaye. do u still hav the same num? the one that ends in 09? lets hav coffee this sat.

Anonymous Anonymous @ 8:18 PM  

Okay, sure! :) But before we do, you have to tell me who the hell you are! :) :) Hehehehehe!

hi friend.. i hope ure doing okay..:) i miss you and rico so much..*sobS*...

~goya maganda

Anonymous Anonymous @ 7:37 PM  

Jinggay!!! I miss you too! Punta ka sa party ko on Feb 2 at my house... It's a white party! :) Bring as much people as you can! Hehehe! :)

your stronger than what you think. but it's hard to neutralize yourself all the time. let it out and talk to a friend. i'm praying for you.

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