...like a new snow falling, softly, 'round me. A second chance to make things all right.

I was a little suprised when I saw him outside our house. Am I dreaming?

"I came to return the books my sister borrowed," he said softly with a shy smile.

"Oh, okay..." I tried to smile sincerely, but seeing him just made me want to come up to him and put my arms around him.

I opened the gate. He walked in. It felt strange that I had to open the gate for him when he just freely walks in and out before. We sat on the chairs outside by the freaky plants. I didn't want to make him come in because I knew he wouldn't stay long. I don't want to impose.

"So, how've you been?" He asked me.

"I'm owk. My cousins are here... I have a new sched... It gives me time to do stuff in the afternoon..."

"Talaga? Hassle! Bakit ngayon pa? Hehehehehe!" His laugh was sincere. It made me wonder if I laughed along with him, he'd notice I'd been enjoying our 3 minutes together and get iritated. "So how's work?"

"Eto... Magreresign na ako."

"Ha? Sure ka? Eh di good for you!" he said. "Where do you plan to transfer?"

"Wala pa... I'm still going to look..." Then I told him all my plans. He was listening intently. Looking straight into my eyes. It was weird. Having him close again.

"You're not happy with your work anymore?" he asked. "Eh just a few months ago you seemed so happy there. What about you're friends? Quitting would be like going back to square one."

Salamat sa suporta ah! Manakot ba?

"I know it's going to be hard as hell," I sighed. "But as Jinggay always said, if you're literally dragging yourself to work, eh di quit."

"Grabe ka naman!" he said jokingly. I can see his effort in trying to lighten my mood. "Talaga lang ah, you're literally dragging yourself to work?! Hahahahaha!" Then he did an imitation of someone trying to carry himself.

I smiled. It was nice to hear his laugh again. Although at the back of my head, I was afraid that all of this could be another dream. Another tricks my mind plays with my heart.

"Do you think I'm making a mistake?" I asked him. "Do you think I should just tough it out?"

His face became serious. He looked straight at me with obvious concern in his eyes.

"I think if it's causing your eyes to look as tired and sad as they are now, then quit."

Nahiya naman ako... I turned away.

"Hay nako..." I sighed. "I hate when people say that. It's just their polite way of saying you look like shit."

"Hahahahahaha! Wala akong sinabing ganyan ah."

I laughed. I looked at my watch. I was silently praying that if this night were to end, let it end now, while we're having fun. Please let me have a good memory of this night.

"Bakit?" he asked, "may lakad ka ba?"

"Uhhh... Wala," I said. "Magma-mass kasi kami."

He stood up, ready to leave. He was doing that thing with his face again. Yung nakakunot noo niya. That's exactly how he looks when I wake him up. It was like ruining a bad moment for him. Ooooy, feel na feel mo naman, GayGo.

"Sige, I'll leave na..."

He started fixing his shirt. I wanted to ask him something... Why are you here? Why didn't you greet me on my birthday. Why now? He put his hand inside his pocket. I could hear his hand searching for his car keys.

GayGo, no! Tumahimik ka! Subukan mo lang...

"Sige ah..." he started walking towards the gate. "Thanks nalang for the book ah..."

Gaygo wag! Wag na wag mong sasabihin... Bad spirit, lumayo ka!

He had his foot oustide the gate.

"Teka!!!" I called out.

He turned towards me, I don't know if I was imagining it, but I thought he smiled.

"Bakit?"

GayGo, ano ka ba?! Para kang tanga! Sabihin mo wala! Just say goodbye!

"Uhhh... Nagsimba ka na?" I asked.

"Hehe, hindi pa nga eh..."

Awkward moment ever. Parang di ko na alam talaga kung ano sasabihin kong next...

Wag mo na sabihin yung alam kong gusto mo sabihin. Wag na wag mong sasabihin...

"Gusto mo mag-mass?" I tried to look adorable. But really, I felt like throwing up.

"Sige!" He quickly closed the gate and walked back towards me.

"Magbibihis lang ako, wait lang, pasok ka muna."

We came up the stairs. He waited oustide by the memorable couch kung saan nagunaw ang mundo ko before. He was watching TV. Gulintang naman ang mga tao sa bahay diba? He rode with us on the way to church. Suprisingly, we were early kasi mabilis nagsikilos lahat and we had a place to sit. Ayan nanaman... Naamoy ko nanaman siya. Haaaaay...

During the offering, they played my favorite mass song. (I'm not sure about the lyrics ah... This is purely from memory.)

Take and receive oh Lord, my liberty
Take all my will, my heart, my memory
All things I own
And all I own are thine
Thine was the gift to thee
I all reside
Do thou direct
And govern all and sway
Do what thou wilt command
And I obey
Only thy grace
Thine love on me bestow
These make me rich
All else will I forego

Sobra akong na-sad sa kanta. Feeling ko naiiyak na ako. It was so swak kasi to what I'm going through right now. Parang hindi ko na alam kung ano gusto kong gawin and parang ang sarap nalang isurrender lahat and bahala na kung ano mang will ni God.

He looked at me while the song was playing kasi he gave me a P20 bill para ibigay sa nagko-collect like he always used to. Natawa ako ng konti kasi parang nung bata ako na yung mom or dad ko yung nagaabot sakin ng barya para may mabigay ako sa collection. Hahahaha.

Again, napaka-familiar...

"Oh, bat ganyan mukha mo?" he asked.

React naman ang lola mo, "Ano?! Huh, eh bakit ganyan mukha mo?!"

He laughed then pinched my right ear. He was sitting by left so in order for him to touch my right ear, he had to slightly put his arm around me. Naks! Slight lang...

"Hehe, I mean, bakit para kang iiyak?"

"Bakit ba nangenge-alam ka?" I rolled my eyes at him, (he knew I was kidding), and he laughed again.

During the peace be with you part, he kissed me sa cheek. Waaaaaaaaah! Ano ba! Nakaka-asar! Pero sa totoo lang, during that time, no pun intended na talaga lahat ang cherva ko. Masarap mang isipin na, yun na nga, pero heller! Magtigil dabaa?

On the way home, siya na ang nag-drive. We decided to buy some Baliwag for dinner nalang sa house. Usap-usap... Nag-comment siya sa CR-V bakit ang dumi-dumi daw. And hindi siya naniniwala na hindi chameleon ang color. Hehehehe.

On the way home after we bought the chicken, I just suddenly sang New Snow. It was sang kasi in Eastwood by someone during the Wave Anniversary Party. I just suddenly remembered it. The lyrics go... Like the new snow, falling... New love is falling.... A second chance to make things all right... Make things all right... I know, I know... Not a good song to sing with HIM sitting right beside me, pero promise unconsciously ko yun nagawa!

"Alam mo, I visit your blog everyday?"

Gulat ako! What a thing to say... Waaaaaaaah!

"Talaga?" I said then slapping my forhead with my hand. "Nakakahiya naman!"

He was smiling, but he was serious. (Ngek! Parang ang labo dabaaa?)

"Parang nafi-feel ko nga na confused ka," he said.

Quiet lang ako. Oh my Lord, are we going to have the talk?

"Di naman masyado..." I said. "I just feel like I need a change. Hindi na ako masaya sa buhay ko ngayon." Teka, napaka-suicidal ata ng dating nun ah. "I mean sa mga nangyayari sa buhay ko..." At shempre biglang pahabol pa... "Work-wise."

"Ikaw lang naman ang nagco-control ng happiness mo diba?"

Wushuuuu... Not all the time. Hehe! Love you!

"I just want a second chance," sabi ko for God knows bakit. "I deserve a second chance naman, diba?"

He looked at me, (at shempre dapat may drama pang kasama!)

"Oo naman."

Nakuuuuuu... Ano ba ito. Lord, why me?