My friend's tita died. She died after a long and hard struggle with cancer. It got me thinking about my own death. I'm not being suicidal or anything. And I hope this isn't like a death sign that people will say if I do die later today or tomorrow. I'm not trying to be dramatic. I just want to go away in style. Hehehehehe.

No seriously, I have always told my friends what I want when my time comes. Ask Podi, Tyche, and Karen Martinez. Hahahaha! Actually, I have always wanted to write everything down, my last wishes, but I guess it kind of scared me then. See, I used to think that writing it down would call on to the Death gods and sort of give them a bell or a signal, "hey, she's ready." Well I'm not.

Well, first of all, I just want to share that I was gonna write how I wanted to die, but I changed my mind. I guess, I still am a little scared. Hehehehe. Anyway, back to my first of all, I want to have a black casket. When I was younger I wanted a green casket, but I changed my mind. I want to have a sleek, shiny black casket, just like a car. Ahehehehe. And I don't want to have a wake. I'm sorry, but exposing my body lying down in a box for 3 days, I think will freak out my friends and family rather than mourn. And I don't want to be remembered like that. I don't want their final vision of me as trapped in a box where I'd be stuck forever. I want them to remember me as the free person that I am. If my family insists on having a wake, I don't want my casket to be there, I'd rather them show pictures of me. Parang exhibit ba! Hahahahaha! And I want it to be at my house in Cainta. It's the place where I was happiest, and I want people that I love to be there.

I want white flowers. And only roses. White roses. Ok fine, even if their not all roses, I'm ok with that, but they have to be white. If anybody brings yellow, or red of even PINK, I'll kill myself. Feng Shui ito!!! Hahahaha!

During my funeral, I want people to wear black. All black. No jeans. Pormalidad ito! Hehehe! (May dress code pa!) I don't want people to wear white. Please, no whites kung hindi niyo masisiguro na puting-puti ang damit niyo. Black kasi looks good kahit ano pang klaseng damit.

I am handpicking my friends to speak at my funeral. Si Dimple. Si Podi. My very dear friends from Assumption Antipolo and College of St. Benilde. I want to pick someone else from my work, sino pa nga ba?! Kilala mo kung sino ka! =) I'm picking these people because not only have they been there for me my whole fucking life, (well at least from the moment I've met them) but because they know me and they cut past the bullshit and say what they really feel. I also want my cousin Glad and my sister Ate Girls to speak at my funeral. Pero sandali lang ah. Joke!!! These are my two precious loved-ones. Sila ang mga pinakaingat-ingatan ko. And gusto ko din magsalita sa ate DR (pero ayoko ng callcenter voice ah! Hahahahah!). Nako, ang dami nang magsasalita ah... Aheheheheh!

I want to be burried at dusk. This is the most important. If possible, I even want to be burried when it's raining, but fine, medyo malabo na yun. So I want to be burried during the sunset. I want to see all of my loved ones' faces one last time during my favorite time of the day. I remember when I was a kid, I loved it when it was 5:00 to 6:00 in the afternoon. Right during the time when everything turns orange and you don't feel the sun pricking your skin as you play patintero with your friends. The air becomes cool, and you feel the cold breeze on your neck. It's basically, the moment you feel refuge from the busy and tiring events of the day. And I want the ceremonies of the funeral to be done in the sementeryo. Not in the church, or chapel.

I want it to be a closed casket. I don't trust anybody else to do my make-up, especially with my eyes closed. And I want to put my picture in Lake Tahoe with my back turned to the camera as I looked at the lake on top of the casket. When I go, that's probably where I'd be spending most of my time. Reading a book. Eating a ham sandwich. Drinking Pepsi Blue. And it's sunset forever. =) I never have to deal with the hassles of life in the morning, and I don't have to feel tired and wander off to sleep at night. I'll be in my perfect place all day.



And I want my husband or boyfriend to read my favorite poem made by friend Podi.


Finally, please tell my parents not to cry. I lived a wonderful life and it's all because of them. Tell them how much I love them and how much I want to thank them for giving me all that a little girl could ask for. Tell them I apologize for all the pain I might've caused them and all I wanted was to make them proud.

I love you so much moms and dads.

Nako, sobrang madrama na ito. Scary! Parang ayoko na i-publish!!! Oh what the heck!!! If it's your time to go, then it's your time to go. Ano baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!