putting my heart back together

Ian walked inside his apartment thinking of how he would deal with Paige. Sandra was right. He was punishing her. But ironically, in turn was punishing him.

"Oh," Paige exclaimed, dropping the handle of her brown luggage. "I thought you were spending the night at your girlfriend's..."

Ian was confused. Seeing Paige with all her things ready to leave in the middle of the night, without saying goodbye to him was what he thought he wanted, but now it just made him angrier. He felt like she was deceiving him all over again.

"Paige, listen..."

"No, actually..." Paige slowly walked away from her things, still in her pink dress. Ian noticed how sad she looked. How much the glow was suddenly... gone. "I wanted to say something to you before I disappear from your life forever."

Hearing her say forever was like a punch in the gut.

"I know it was wrong," she sighed sadly, "everything I did to you. You were right... A highschool crush doesn't justify lying to you. And I understand if you don't forgive me." Tears slowly fell from her eyes. "It's just that..." She quickly wiped her tears with the back of her hand, just like a little girl. It's ok to cry, Paige. You don't always have to to act so brave. I can be brave for you. "It was nice to pretend it was real, you know?"

Ian was numb. He knew his heart was telling his feet to walk up to her, embrace her and tell her he has forgiven her, but his brain was telling him otherwise.

"But let me tell you this," Paige said, "I loved you. I loved you so much that's why I allowed myself to be hurt this much." Tears began flowing down her cheeks again. "I was ready to go through everything again if it means being with you for the amount of time we had together..." She slowly shook her head. "But now I can't anymore."

Hearing those words, Ian felt like the 5 yards between him and Paige were growing farther every second.

"Little girls grow up too, right?" Paige said, trying to force a smile.

Ian didn't say anything. He couldn't. Right now as he was looking at her, all he could see was the same girl who woke her up everyday at 5:30 in the morning and made him breakfast... The same girl who painted the apartment with him. The same girl he made love to in his hole. She's the same girl. The same girl trying to be brave.

"Well anyway," Paige broke the silence, picking up her things. "I should get going..."

"Where are you gonna go," Ian interrupted like he's been waiting to say something the whole time. "You're apartment's not going to be ready to two weeks."

"I'm staying with Dawn and Marcus for the mean time," Paige said as she began to walk. When she and Ian were side side by side, she looked at his face for a moment, as if she was trying to memorize his face. Ian was doing the same. He had a feeling it was the last time Paige would ever look at him that way again.

"Paige, wait," Ian called out before she continued to walk out the door.

She looked back at him, almost longingly.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be the one for you."

"So am I," Paige said softly, then turned carrying all her things and walked out of the apartment.

And out of Ian's life.