putting my heart back together

Yesterday, I attended a seminar with some of my friends. My friend asked me to meet him at some place at 7:20 am. I woke up early. I really did. But of course, shit happened and I was late. A-fucking-gain!

I always thought there was a reason why I am what I am. You know what I mean? And I always asked myself why. I always came up with such lame reasons (which would be too embarrassing for me to enumerate) and while driving to pick up my sister today, I hit a blinding realization.

All my life I have been late. I always make people wait. (Oooh! That rhymed!) I think the worse one was when Arf waited for me for two hours in Shell South super hi-way. He must've drank about 4 cups of caramel machiato in Starbucks. When I finally came, the look on his face was horrifying. Anyway, back to my original point... I think I finally figured out what was wrong with me and that was it. I am always late. I always make people wait that's why God is making me late too. I shared this with my sister and cousin while eating at Yellow Cab Pizza Co. and I think they too hit blinding realizations. I figure, for a person, until you find what is "wrong" with you, and do something to remedy it, one will never be ultimately happy.

Like for me.

I always want to have "that" type of relationship. You know? The one you only read about in books. The one you know would never happen to you, but still in the back of your head you wish it would. And I know I've had a fair share of great guys, but I still never feel the way I always imagined I would feel, you know? I don't know. Maybe I'm just really idealistic and hardly ever satisfied, maybe that's what's wrong with me.

But no.

I think it's time I make am-after-the-new-year's resolution. From now on I would try not to be late. I would get a really, really loud alarm clock and I would sleep early. (Of course, now doesn't count it's 1:45 in the morning.) And I would always manage my time well.

Hey! It couldn't hurt. It's just like what Jay always used to say, "hindi lang sayo umiikot ang mundo mo, may tao din sa paligid mo na naapektohan sa bawat galaw mo!" Maybe if I thought more about others and quit worrying about my self involved needs then I could prove that I really am ready to be the person I aspire to be. And maybe even share it with the person I wish to share it with.

Later today I'll tell you all what has been happening to me and why I haven't been writing on my blog. But for now, I have to hit the sack. Hey! I have an after-the-new-year's resolution, right? Goodnight people!